I need redefining!

Many times during the week I think to myself that "this" is something I should blog about. But the thought drifts from my thinking. I sometimes will write down the thought, a doodle or a design idea, but then I forget to look in one of my many "idea" books!

We moved recently and in my attempt to organize my life and office, I placed all my "idea" notebooks in one bag. It was heavy. I asked myself, 

"Why can't you write in one book at a time?"

"Why can't you use the same type of journal/notebook?" 

You see they are random shapes and sizes, some with tabs, many without!

I took some time reading over my notes. I am always astounded that I had a thought so profound, and wrote it so eloquently. I guess there are some coherent thoughts in my head after all - but never at the moment it seems!

Back to being redefined. I am lost right now and feel there is no definition or purpose in my life currently. This is a sad accounting. The hole widens at times and I seem engulfed. Most of my life I have known where I was headed and what it would take to get there. This has been a hard place to be in. Fear seems to have me in its hold - holding me back to see life's possibilities. 

Born With the Seeds of Life and Death

Today I attended a funeral for the son of our cousin. He was 28 yrs. old, and was born with a "bent" chromosome. According to the doctors - he was one of a kind. The grandfather gave the closing remarks and commented that we are each born with the seeds of living and dying, and when those seeds mature, the blessings are manifest. For those who understand and embrace eternal progression, his passing was a blessing. He no longer will ask "Why am I different? Why did God make me this way?" He is at rest with the One who created him. And for those that remain - we must continue to nurture and reflect on the seed within - of living. 

TODAY

Today. What a concept. I am in the process of rearranging my "computer room"--meaning the bedroom with my computer, the glider, and some of my junk. When Von got here he set up the room, with my computer, printer and other stuff on two card tables. I have needed more table space and a readjustment of things, so up went the 6 foot table this morning so it doesn't jiggle when I type.

I have great plans for this room. An elegant day bed with trundle (for company--or me when I need to crash after one of those late night study sessions). Walls painted kiwi green, black and white bedding, black table top with vertical shelving and tin board to attach my creative musings. Things that make me happy.

GUESS WHERE WE ARE GOING?

Many have asked what is going on in our lives, so I guess I should share a few things, as some major adventures are about to take place! (Sorry if you read my email already.)

We are moving to Utah next month. I (Ann) will be going back to college after 33 years!!! Either my grades were sufficient or my ecclesiastic leaders gave me a glowing report that I needed to return to school. Either way I am excited to head back to BYU. There is a goal and a plan to graduate. We hope it is sooner than later. The adventure begins Sept. 2nd!!! How it will end up - don't know. But school it is - for now.

And Von - yep, he is coming. He has his own adventures planned out too, but that is his to share.

Sunday during Gospel Doctrine class, our teacher was talking about the mission she and her husband served. She said that she knew it was the right thing to do, but she cried the whole way to the MTC, feeling great sadness at leaving all she loved behind. But then when they left the mission field, she cried all the way home to CA, missing all the dear friends and members they had made in Chicago. After she shared that, my eyes welled up with tears, for that is how both Von and I have felt about leaving Carlsbad this time around. We have made so many wonderful neighbors and friends, and we have such a great ward which we will truly miss.

So these are the things I have to be concerned with now:

• I have to get used to the cold weather and buy a COAT. I have thought about the possibility of only going to school fall, spring and summer, then be a snowbird during winter semester!!! (JK -but it is something to consider!).
• I may take up the sport of snowboarding, they say it is easier on the knees than skiing.
• I will consider purchasing a "Nuke" light to ward off the gloomy winter days or I will create a happy, sunny, light filled cave for myself.
• I also am considering forming a club of other "seasoned" women on campus, where we will set up a system of rating dating potentials for our unmarried children. Von and I have been discussing what would be the best approach for this, like the numbering system they do for diving. Suggestions are welcomed.
• What do I wear for the first day of class? What impression do I want to make? Oh, that's right, I don't have to worry about that anymore!!!!! Maybe that will keep me more focused - ya' think? All I have to worry about is whether I have food caught in my braces and that I don't have classes waaaay down in the Richards PE Bldg.
• Maybe I will be lucky like I was 35 years ago - and lose 10 lbs. the first 3 weeks of class from all the walking...hmmm...good thought.
• This time around - I am getting a rolling backpack - I am going to be a nerd - what can I say - I am over 50!

Well, it has been lovely sharing what will be happening to us soon. It is time to move and purge again. While on our adventure I am hoping to have some worthy posts for my blog.

So - wish us well, envy the fact that we get to drink GOOD water, not Carlsbad's sewer water.

We will miss our hometown of Carlsbad, it is our home, but this adventure will last only a season, and who knows what will happen then?