It is BYO_ Night!

I think it is time for another BYO_ Night.

(BYO_ means Bring your own spoon, fork, plate, bowl...)

What do you think?

Does Saturday night work, January 29th?

Or should I make it a Cinnamon Roll Sunday?

That would be Sunday night, January 30th.

Willing to take suggestions on what to prepare.

But you have to make a comment.

Also, letting me know if you are coming would be helpful.

CHRISTMAS 2010

Another year has come and gone, with wonderful and exciting experiences filling every moment. We are both still “non-traditional” students at BYU, grateful for the privilege and opportunity. Ann is intimidated by the snow while Von likes to shovel off the driveway in his flip-flops (still thinks he is in SoCal). The purpose of our grand adventure will be realized in April when Ann graduates with a degree in Communications, Public Relations emphasis. Von will receive a degree in Latin American Studies, with a minor in Political Science. Ann will then have a two month internship in New York City.

September 2009 ended with us as “empty-nesters”, but this changed earlier this year when our youngest, Kimmy, and her husband, Garrett, both students also, moved into our basement. They will finish in April, and then leave for Texas. Continuing up from the youngest, Julianne and Vance, living in Texas, are enjoying life with our two noisy grand-“puppies”. Our one son, Von, who has an affinity for the heat, is in Arizona, a student at ASU, working as well and trying to keep all the loose ends under control. Loralee and Dave are with us here in Utah. Dave is doing well with his dental practice, while Loralee enjoys their two cute little red-heads. Adrienne and Ted are in Arizona. Ted’s skills as a landscape architect are in demand so as to ensure gainful employment. Adrienne’s hands are full with four wonderful and active youngsters and teaching piano. Finally, Ann-Marie and Collins – they are still in San Clemente, CA, where he is a popular dentist. Ann-Marie is a supportive wife and a busy mom. Their four boys keep everyone on their toes. We are grateful for the goodness of our children and grandchildren – how they love each other, support each other, and strive to build the Kingdom where they live by carefully nurturing their families.

We are grateful for the blessings that have come to us in consequence of rubbing shoulders with wonderful people like you. Thank you for your positive influence.

We are especially grateful for the blessings of the Gospel – living prophets, sacred covenants and ordinances, privileges of serving, the comfort of the Savior’s love, and a sense of approbation of our Heavenly Father.  Truly, sweet is the peace the Gospel brings. As with you, we are striving to become more like Them. Let us pray for each other, that such will be our blessing one day.

Our love to each of you,

H. Von and Ann

HANGING IN THERE

Many ask me how I am doing these days, and I reply, "Hanging in there!"

This week I realized that maybe that isn't a good answer.
Should I be more truthful?
Should I be more positive?
What would be an appropriate answer?

So for those who want to know how I am doing, let me tell you. I am doing great!

Sure, I don't get enough sleep; I could be eating much healthier; I could be exercising; I could be going to the temple more often; I would like to see the sun more often; I would enjoy some creative adventures; yes, I could, I would and I need to - if there were more hours in a day! But there is not, so I am hanging in there.

The day will come again when I feel more in control of where and what I am going to do (wishful thinking?). Until then, I am learning new things. Some days those new things are hard. But I am here for a reason, and I have to keep hanging in there with the hope and belief that the Lord will make known to me what those reasons are.

I wrote a letter to my aunt this week. She promptly replied and shared some things with me that made my day, giving me that boost I needed to hear. My aunt, the 90-year-old cheerleader - bless her heart! Her belief in me as well as others, makes hanging in there easier.

In the last three months, I have had two cousins that have been dealing with cancer treatments of chemo, radiation and hair loss. It has been hard, possibly the hardest thing they have ever had to deal with in their life, yet they are getting through it. They don't know the reasons. They don't know the outcome. But they are hanging in there.

When I think my journey is difficult, I think of them and many other family and friends who are dealing with hard things. And you know what, a outpouring of love and gratitude fills my heart for the wonderful experiences and people that I am associating with. I am blessed by so many, especially my family.

While attending a meeting with some special ladies, they asked how I was doing. I told them, "If I can just get through this week, I will be good." They quickly came back with, "You told us that last week!" So I did, and more than likely I will say that every week!!! But it is OK, cause I am hanging in there, and it is great.

Trekking Journey Ends for Haydons

I have been writing updates on this family since June. They finally made it home. I have learned lot about the family, the trek and the family and friends that support them. I was trying to come up with a lead for this final article, and the one (which I didn't use) which said a lot about this adventure was:

"There is hope in the extraordinary accomplishments of humble people."

My personal hope is that as we examine our own lives that we understand that getting up each morning, pulling your pants up and stepping out is ALWAYS a step forward. Those who come from pioneer ancestry, be grateful for this legacy, because of their faith, we have been able to enjoy the blessings of a restored gospel.

Haydon and Company gathered together at the conclusion of their journey.


Connor Corbin playing Come, Come Ye Saints.


The handcart is empty, but the journey for the Haydon Company is far from over.

For the past 11 weeks, Clive and Shari Haydon, their four sons — Samuel, Josh, Matthew and Mikey — and teenage neighbors Justin Carter and Brett and Connor Corbin have been trekking and pushing a handcart along the historical Mormon Handcart Trail.

For now, the boys consider this handcart trek a grand adventure. The impact on themselves and others may take a few years before realizing this 1,180-mile trek was an incredible journey.

Most individuals who go on three- to four-day handcart treks are able to connect and grasp the spiritual and physical tests that Mormon pioneers faced. The Haydon’s 71-day journey was filled with special spiritual moments, too, but their greatest connection with pioneers was demonstrated by the faith necessary to stick it out and endure to the end.

“It is a daily grind, walking down the highway every day about 16 miles,” Clive Haydon said. “We are weary, tired, it is physical. You just have to do it and go through the mundane process to do the work and every now and then you have something special happen.”

Emotional connections were felt as family and friends gathered at This is the Place Heritage Park east of Salt Lake City to welcome the Haydon group home on Saturday.

Youth leaders and members of Mt. Olympus Stake in Salt Lake City joined the ranks of those who had been strengthened and inspired by the trekkers’ journey. They met the Haydons on the summit of Rocky Ridge, part of the Martin’s Cove pioneer trek in Wyoming.

“We were taking a break, and there was this lone handcart piled three feet high and this little family,” said Charlotte Pratt, a member of the Mt. Olympus Stake. “We could tell that they had been out on the trail longer than us. This was the real deal. When we learned that they had started in Nebraska eight weeks prior to that day, our youth and our leaders wanted to weep for them. We hiked the trail together and became their friends. Everyone was in the spirit of helping this family get to Utah. It was unbelievable.”

Conditioned bodies may be a physical payoff for the Haydon company, but the real payoffs have been people they met along the way and seeing how the Lord protected them.

“I had the opportunity to pull the cart up a steep part of a hill by myself,” Shari Haydon said. “The handcart was packed and I struggled as hard as I could up that hill. I got so far and then was unable to get that cart any further by myself. No matter how hard I pulled, that cart wouldn’t move. I thought of Elsie Nielson [who Shari Haydon walked in memory of] pulling her husband Jens, in the handcart. How did they do it? From my small experience it could only have been with divine help.”

Some family obligations necessitated a replacement for RV support at the beginning of July. Tom Page, a family friend also known as “Grumpy,” joined the company and brought lots of joy to their camp, according to Samuel Haydon.

“When I got there, they were exhausted,” Page said. “They had been gone for a couple of months. It was a drudgery to get up every day, so I tried to share some songs with them and do some things that would make them laugh and get going and I think it helped.”

Many people have been affected by what the Haydons have done, according to Scott Rancie, part of the RV support team. When Rancie saw the Haydon’s plan, he thought it was quite ambitious and was skeptical it was going to happen, especially after the first two days. Even Shari Haydon had her doubts.

“This has been a wonderful experience and I am glad I pushed past my fears, my comfort zone to do this,” she said. “I didn’t really think I would make it to the end, but here we are.”

The trek was part of Clive Haydon’s master’s program and although it is finished, he hopes to remain in Utah for another year. Under the U.S. Immigration’s Optional Practical Training program, he will finish some field studies in recreational management and work on further development of applied ancestry for at-risk youth.

Does Your Family Flourish or Flounder?

Another story for the newspaper. I wish I could write an article that gives more information, like you would see in the Wall Street Journal or New York Times! This research project is amazing and the data that they are gathering only testifies to me the importance that families have on the well being of our society. Families really do matter.

Since 2007, more than 500 students at BYU have been involved in one of the largest research projects focusing on family processes that contribute to positive family environments.

The four-year study, titled The Flourishing Family Project, is being conducted through the School of Family Life. Five hundred families are being studied in Seattle and 170 LDS families are being studied in Utah.

“We are trying to access why families matter,” said Randal Day, project director of The Flourishing Families Project. “[Looking at the] trajectories of kids’ lives as they make important choices [such as] risky sexual behavior, school choices, friend choices and relationship choices. How do families help shape them and how are families a resource to kids who flourish?”

Several studies have been conducted on the negative impacts that affect families. However, in this study, research is being conducted which measures positive outcomes of flourishing families as they pass through life’s problems and crises.

As a result of four-year’s worth of data, the projects team professors have published about 10 papers. A book based on the research is being written as well.

Typically in research studies of this magnitude, scholars are the ones conducting interviews and collecting data, but BYU chose to have undergraduates participate in the research.

Team member Rick Miller, director of the School of Family Life, has been pleased with the national attention and acclaim the project has been receiving.

“When we introduced this idea to other family scholars, using undergraduate students to collect data in Seattle, they were skeptical,” Miller said. “They underestimated the competence and commitment of our students. The fact is that our students have done an incredible job.”

During the four-year study, more than 92 percent of the original 500 Seattle families remained involved in the research, which according to Day is unheard of. There is currently a team of 20 students conducting interviews in Seattle.

The criteria for family selection in the Seattle area were families that had a child between 10 and 14 years of age.

“Some parts of town we go into are a little rough around the edges, and some home environments can be filled with chaos and really unfortunate circumstances,” said Maren Christiansen, a member of the Seattle research team, in an e-mail. “It has been an eye-opening experience for me to see the environments that some children are being raised in, and it is easy to see why some families are able to ‘flourish’ more than others.”

The same study is being conducted in Utah, with a team of 10 BYU students interviewing 170 LDS families. Before this study, little research had been collected about LDS families.

In addition to field interviews, over the past four years, undergraduate involvement has included research, data entering and coding.

“This study gives me hope,” field interviewer Julie Lutz said in an e-mail. “We hear so much about how our society is crumbling and how evil and wicked it is, but so many of these people are good people.”

To learn more about the Flourishing Families Project, students can visit http://flourishingfamilies.byu.edu

Families - are Everywhere!

Last night, the majority of my husband's family congregated at the LDS Conference Center for a practice session of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. My husband's sister, Rachel, is a member of the choir (and we are very proud of her!).

Apparently the MoTab allows special guests to practice with them occasionally. Rachel and a cousin, who also is a choir member, made arrangements for their dads (who are brothers) to sing with the choir last night. According to dad - this was a chance of a lifetime!

Though just an observer, we are so glad we got to enjoy the experience too. The count of more than 80 family members were there to support a long awaited dream.

Dad - we love you!

Response #6 - William Doherty's book - "The Intentional Family" (Birthday's, Christmas)

During moments of frustration, the question has been asked, “Who came up with this idea of a birthday party?” Only to be rewarded by the look of pure joy of those being honored at the festivities. Then the conclusion is that that one magical moment was worth the trouble and headache to provide such an event!

While reading these chapters 6 & 8 of William Doherty’s book, The Intentional Family, I could not help but laugh at the different situations others found themselves in and at myself. On so many levels I found myself relating to the experiences of birthday rituals, parental holidays and Christmas holidays.

Coming from a farming family - work and the necessary chores of taking care of the land and animals were far more important than celebrating in grand style the passage of time for individual family members. A special dinner, gift and cake were all that was significant for the day. My husband’s family of 12 children, and a WWII era British-born mother, they too experienced the same recognition. But things have changed.

Truly, I have personally seen how we have become a nation that has evolved in celebrating yearly birthdays, and I have been guilty of perpetuating this mania. Thankfully, my time of birthday celebrations for young children has ended and the torch has been passed. However, after years of experience, I am willing to pass on my insights, if asked, to this perception of what should be sustainable in this world of merriment observance we have created!

Most families want to create an environment in which our children feel loved and cherished, and that is an admirable quality of parents, but at the expense of public celebration - who does it honestly benefit? There are moments of pleasure, and memories are surely to ensue. But it is the intentional and intimate rituals that have far more meaning and importance. Doherty’s personal example of his father-in-law’s 80th birthday party, surrounded by loved ones and sharing their communal love and admiration for this important man. The spirit of the celebration was memorable.

Doherty writes of a ritual that his family has instituted, an “appreciation ritual.” Personally I find this refreshing and have considered how I can implement this into my family. As Doherty continues, it is an emotional gift that lasts longer than a finely decorated present.

Around November of each year, I sometime listen to the “Dr. Laura” Schlessinger’s radio show. I am amazed at the amount of calls she receives regarding the dynamics and turmoil families encounter during the holidays. It is evident of the joy and pain this holiday can create. Yet, as Doherty explains, “Christmas amnesia” sets in, and families continue to carry on traditions, that so easily could be tweaked to create an unforgettable occasion.

In my family circumstance we have had to make changes to accommodate the ever changing landscape of our family dynamics. It was so much simpler to attend to our nuclear family’s needs of long ago.

Our Christmases together have only two elements that we have not changed – and that is going caroling, and our Christmas Eve Mexican dinner—that is our tradition. However, because of struggling finances of young families, we have set limits or opted out of gift exchanges. One daughter created a “gift store” in which the grandchildren purchase a toy for the cousin exchange, which will become a tradition. Another family tradition of catching Santa Clause early Christmas morning is not a yearly occurrence, but one treasured when done every few years.

When not spending Christmas together as an extended family, we each extend a welcome to those who are alone. Christmas time is about connecting and finding a linkage to our past, and that is hard to do if you are all by yourself.

Making memories are what celebrations and holidays are all about. Whether it is done by a traditional dish or chain of events, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we are together, loved ones and those who need a loving hand of fellowship. Intentional in plan and purpose.

Response #5 - Miriam Weinstein's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals

Tonight as I have been reading the last chapter in Weinstein’s book, I have had music playing that I call my “soul” music. Along with the beautiful melodies and words, I can’t help but feel sad that this book has come to an end! This book has made a powerful impression in my heart.

Weinstein speaks of her family meals, and I relate. I see myself with children underfoot, managing a baby, toddler, teenagers and other various life forms, all clamoring for sustenance – now! And my heart laughs at the memories. Then at the conclusion of the chapter she shares of her evening alone, when all is quiet, and her heart is full as mine is tonight.

What Weinstein has been trying to say, is that relationships are important, families are important, and family meals are a means to support and sustain relationships. She speaks a great truth when she writes, “Your family does not want someone extraordinary. They want each other” (pg. 240).

Although she points out some very practical applications of meal-planning, she states that many homes are “lacking in the happy disorder of productive daily life.” When I consider all the children who do not have this experience I want to gather them all in; I want to not only feed them but fill them with love because they are a valued child. I too miss that chaos.

I was not fortunate to have grandparents growing up, but I had incredible parents that you knew loved you. I can remember my mother when we were all gathered together for a meal, and she would look into our faces and smile. We were too busy to notice, but as time passed, I have come to understand that smile and the joy she felt when we were together again, and the tears that would fall as we waved good-bye to leave for our own homes.

It says a lot about people when asked what they remember most about their families. It isn’t about fame or glory; it is about the funny moments, the tender moments, and the one-on-one moments. It is the moments that say “this is who I am.”

Since reading Weinstein’s book, I have made an effort to make sure my husband and I have meals each night. The preparation time is much longer than I care for, due to my habit of deciding what to eat 20 minutes before I begin. But I have felt it important. My husband has always been one to inhale his food and leave the table, but at my insistence he has lingered a little longer, and it has become an enjoyable time for the two of us. I have become more “intentional” in making my meal times better.

Response #4 - Miriam Weinstin's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals"

Magical moments in a family are forgotten as family dynamics change. The environment of a family meal sometimes becomes a “quaint artifact,” a forgotten ritual when lives are ruptured by divorce or death. Yet, food still is the measure in which rituals will see a rift in family relationships.

Weinstein jumps into her narrative with how real divorce is when someone is missing at the dinner table. The question for those remaining at the table is, “What do we do now?” The suggestion was that families need to reconfigure, and buy a round table, where there is no “head.” I would agree that this is a positive move for families. Change is not always a comforting aspect when families are shattered, but moving forward and finding reassurance together while sharing a family meal is.

Blended families have a unique set of problems. Not only was a family broken apart, but now there are forced relationships to be dealt with. It is a no-win situation when the “step-parent” is introduced. However, the “step” can use family meals as a way to create an image of some family social structure. The rule of never trying to replace a biological parent would give the “steps” an opportunity to establish new rituals without stepping on sensitive feelings, and taking the occasion to involve family members in the food preparation.

If your children have to be without a parent, at what age is it less disruptive? Experts will give you a multitude of responses, all valid. Many years ago, Pres. Ezra Taft Benson, prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was quoted that parents need to be home during the cross-roads of a child’s life. Teenagers especially are vulnerable when there is no parent home during those “cross-roads.” In today’s society many teenagers are raising themselves because parents, whether divorced or not, are allowing their children to choose friends over family. It reminds me of the book, Lord of the Flies, by William Golding, children trying to recreate a ritual, when all they really wanted was a parent to be in charge.

There are many families in the world who do a wonderful job of creating family rituals, but in some communities, such as Wayzata, Minnesota, parents are making a concerted effort to regain balance in their homes.

The largest federally funded study of American teenagers in 2000, found a “strong association between regular family meals” and general academic success and psychological well being of teenagers. Using that as a spring board, community leaders in Wayzata welcomed the organization, Putting Family First in helping them bring awareness to the issues they were facing.

In the community of Wayzata, leaders were recognizing that families were centered on the success of their children – that was what defined them. Many families’ lives were besieged by the “over-loaded schedule,” – a choice!

As a parent, I have experienced the same choices and decisions – do we allow our children to participate in every sport or dance lesson? A parent in Weinstein’s book expressed some of our same sentiments – that our children are not great athletes! They will not be a super star, so why create an illusion of greatness. There are so many other worthwhile activities that will make them a better person without sacrificing family time and meals.

Family dynamics can change without being ruptured and shattered. By putting my family first I am saying, “I care. You are important. I love you.” To me that is magical.

Response #3 - Miriam Weinstein's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals"

Chapters 5 & 6:
Nourishing the spirit and flesh by gathering for a family meal is indeed a powerful mixture. In these next two chapters, Weinstein weaves her research into not only a narrative of people’s lives but makes a compelling tale of how families and individuals make a difference in the lives of a community.

The lives of women were turned upside down during the 60’s and 70’s as the feminist movement played out and more women found their “worth” in working outside of the home. This era created some radical and extreme thinking – but I am a survivor of that period. Women were told that it was beneath them to “slave” over the stove and care for children; that their place in society was more beneficial as a working woman. I did not listen to these voices as I stayed true to the belief that family and home were somehow more important than my career aspirations and my “contributions” to society was to be a stay-at-home mother.

However, many women did not have that luxury, as the feminist movement created a backlash of broken marriages. Women had to be not only mom, but the bread-winner as well. The story of Lynn F. was not uncommon during this time. Recognizing that something was wrong and rediscovering a child’s joy of helping through basil leaves made a profound change in her family. Though budget and times were still lean, Lynn F. learned that the children’s involvement in meal preparation and planning helped mend their wounded family.

The nourishing aspects of meals can be taught, but understanding the value of preparation as a former restaurateur, Rosalie Harrington did, by educating others through a local community outreach program. What a selfless act of service she offered. At this stage of my life, I try to do the same within our women’s Relief Society organization. What good does my knowledge have if not shared? That is how I learned, from other women and men sharing and teaching principles of food preparation to me. This has been a source of joy as I have watched my own children individually explore food preparation in their own homes, as well as the countless women I have been able to pass along information to.

With the numerous choices in foods that surround us, and the time we allot to eating is it no wonder that there are so many eating disorder issues. According to Ellyn Satter, parents and children have forgotten that “eating and sharing food are inherently pleasurable.” Instead, meal times have become a tug of war. Through understanding the responsibilities of both parent and child and in addition, learning to “relax,” families might be able to enjoy more meals together rather than become a short-order cook for finicky eaters.

It was interesting to read how those Weinstein interviewed felt deep spiritual feelings for the linkage of the “bread” and “body.” It was a great reminder that others have profound faith in Christ. The truth that is spoken by others not of my faith is the same in the homes of my family. A Catholic theologian, Bill Huebsch shares that, “In most of our lives, meals are also memorials.” They are rituals that teach us faith and the importance of family.

Within the home of Paul and Denny, who have opened up their home to others in need, have found that family meals are “a ritual that works unconsciously in people.” Their generosity of spirit is an example of sharing one another’s burdens and joys while breaking bread.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught to make our homes a sanctuary against the storms of life. I want all those who enter my home to feel welcomed and nourished by the good word of the Lord and a family meal. I too would like my home to be considered a mikdash méat, or ‘little holy place.’

Response #2 - Miriam Weinstein's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals"

Chapters 3 & 4:
Being strong while eating conotates an image for me as being able to eat the nasty fish (ceviche) my father brought home from Mexico. I could not leave the table until I ate what was on my plate. The threat of having more put on my plate proved that I had strength in downing a horrid food, and my resiliency in overcoming this objectionable task!

In the third chapter, Weinstein explores a number of areas in which eating dinner can make you strong. She begins with the story and eventual research of Marshall Duke, a clinical psychologist at Emory University. His studies were centered on the resiliency of family members that were dealt with difficult circumstances growing up. They found that families, who talked about the failures and successes of family members, both present and dead, helped model behaviors that despite setbacks “we” would overcome. Researchers discovered that the family lore was discussed at the “family dinner table.”

Additionally, Weinstein captures the essence of other research dealing with alcoholic families and families that had children with food eating-disorders and substance abuse issues. How does having dinner together make us strong in any of these situations? Dinnertime for the alcoholic family is controlled by the bottle – yet there is a family meal together. Strength and resiliency occurred more often as family members either tried to find balance or made vows to break the cycle. Whereas children with food eating-disorders or substance abuse repeatedly showed little structured meal time together. When families made the effort to provide consistent family meals, there was significant change in the health of their children.

Many parents today are too busy, getting caught up with “things,” that they forget about the those that depend on them. A meal, as simple as pancakes, says that I care about you. Statistical evidence shows that children’s mental well-being and performance in life are clearly linked to family meals. Children are better equipped to handle life’s challenges.

I love the South African quote that Weinstein uses, “When you have a lot to do, start with a meal.” When you consider the implications of beginning a task of varying importance – what better way to begin than to share a meal with family to discuss the assignment?

The family meal not only serves to strengthen families—it is a teaching tool for younger generations. As in the study of Mexican children’s gradual acceptance of hot pepper flavors, parents must introduce children to the many different cultures within their own community.

When do we eat? Where do we eat? Do we invite others to join us for dinner? How adventuresome do we make our meals? How insistent will we be in enforcing manners? Do we teach manners? Will outsourcing our meals provide more time with the family and not break the bank? Does taking time to prepare a meal for the family have any value?

Resoundingly, YES! For someone, particularly mothers, the task of teaching and providing for your family can be overwhelming. For working mothers, the demands are even greater. Contemplating my own life and the statistical data on working mothers, I am so grateful that I was able to be home with and for my children.

Time spent in introducing foods to my family and teaching manners were valuable. One aspect of a parent’s pay dirt is when company joins you for dinner and your children behave and are pleasant. Another payoff is when you enter an “outsourcing” establishment, and your family is well mannered. Cultural capital is about investing in my children so that they are worth more.

My family is a treasure. They have made my life rich. My desire is that we to do not have any empty chairs at our table. With everyone there, therein lies our strength.

Response #1 - Miriam Weinstein's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals"

Chapters 1 & 2:
It was with surprise that I discovered the “magical” components of Miriam Weinstein’s book. She has a gift in using words that not only convey a specific message, but rewards us with an image in her play on words. The research she has gathered with different peoples will be holding my attention as she writes of her experiences regarding family meals.

It was significant to read that the word in Roman times for, “one who breaks bread with you,” is companion. For thousands of years, those that break bread with you are family members. What an appropriate word. When we sit down to eat with our families, we are fortifying bonds with our “companions,” who, we hope, love and care about one each other.

Weinstein’s recognizes that there has been a rapid decline in family dinners, which is fraying the social fabric of our world. The “enormity of the potential loss” of history forecasts a nation of people with no communal bonding. The sacred nature of meal time has been diminished to a “drive-thru” experience for family members.

As Weinstein shared what she was working on, people immediately responded with detailed descriptions of their memories. When reading this, I too felt myself going through my mind, the ritual of what transpired in my home. However, in today’s world, especially my children’s generation, there are few memories of sitting down to “break bread” with one another.

With a nation of traditional and dysfunctional families, the family meal provides not only nourishment for the body, but an opportunity for face-to-face nourishment. It is part of the day that can help restore and heal, and “reinforce pleasurable associations.” A sacred time of day that needs to be fought for.

For a time in California, our church leaders sent out a “decree,” that there were to be no meetings or activities between five and six in the evening. This was a sacred time, where families could enjoy one another without interruptions. It was a successful venture, where many families that made a habit of it were strengthened.

During these rituals of breaking bread with one another, a sense of belonging and learning who you are immerge. Weinstein describes the ritual in which “a meal together draws a line around us.” It defines who we are despite the world moving around us. I remember times in my home when my parents would share family stories at dinnertime. They helped develop who I am as I listened about the strength of character of grandparents and other family members.

When family therapists want to understand a family’s dynamics, they use “snapshots” of different family functions. The most telling of these functions is the family meal. Here one is able to observe the “pecking” order! These counselors use family meals as a way to “help fractured families heal.”

Creating a ritual of a family meal can be hard when it hasn’t been established. When I had children at home, and an invitation was offered to my children’s friends – it was always accepted. But never once did I ask if these friends had meals together with their families. However, these friends always lingered longer, and were hesitant to leave. Unknowingly we helped “set the table” for a future ritual.

I agree with Weinstein’s observations that rituals are powerful tools, especially the family meal. As a family, with little children, meals were sacred. We didn’t have to be dressed up, we had no candles, nor beautiful white napkins, but we all were there. We thanked the Lord for our blessings, and went about breaking bread and creating magical moments with our children.

New Decorative Art Form

During the time K&G got married--we had lots of people congregating at our home. Rather than use plastic throw-away cups, we all seemed to have our own. This is where they all liked to congregate.

There is an anaolgy to life - we are all different; we all congregate around a light source and we all drink from the same living water...OK...I know this is a stretch, but we had to capture the cups in the window - it was funny at the time!

Happy Birthday Middle Child!

Today is my first middle child's birthday. I am not going to share how old she is, other than she was born in 1980. Really? That doesn't seem that long ago – only yesterday. I remember the day so well. Living in Mesa, AZ, over-due by a week when the nurse calls to say the doctor had a opening for me to come in and be induced. Later the nurse chastised me because it was Sunday. At that point I didn't care. And then – after being induced - 1^st middle child comes flying out. Mind you, the doctor never showed up, they actually had to pull in a doctor walking by to be in attendance! Of all my deliveries – she was my easiest. I will have to admit that I was in "shape" before she came, but then being my second smallest – I am sure that helped too.

This child was easy to love. Every morning she was so bright-eyed and eager to be awake. She always seemed to have a smile on her face. We called her our little squirrel because she was always burrowing into the covers with all her treasures. My neighbor made a quilt for her (which she has to this day), she affectionately called "blankie." Every corner was sniffed before going to sleep. Some corners were her favorites! It was hard to sneak the blanket away to wash, she would throw a fit that the "smells" had disappeared. I don't even want to know what she did to establish her "smelling" territory again!! She also had a pacifier, "binkie," that had a squeaky bulb on the end. She was quite attached to it, and her sisters liked to tease her by squeaking it often. I loved it because I always knew where she was. Her favorite book was about Care Bears. She had the book memorized

This child was one of my smallest – and still is. She was sick quite a bit with ear infections, which led to other health challenges as a child. Thank goodness she outgrew all those discomforts. She also had to wear corrective shoes – which did their job. However, if you were holding her and she decided to kick – watch out! Those shoes were hard and they hurt. She literally slept with her boots on!

One of the things that I loved about this child was that she LOVED baby dolls and Barbies. Her older sisters could care less, so it was nice to know that finally I had a daughter that loved the things I loved as a child. She also had "best friends," something that seemed to elude my other children. I wouldn't say any of my children were "Drama Queens," but I would venture to say this 1^st middle child did have her moments – maybe it was because she was the MIDDLE Child and needed more attention – who knows!

I have never thought any of my children were like me, so one day, to satisfy my curiousity, I asked my sister if any of my children had my temperament. She said my 1^st middle child seemed to be more like me. So I have watched her grow up, and I have seen many similarities, one being that I can explain something to her and she can envision what I am trying to say (and I admit there aren't too many that can do this!!!). And we tend to get a little spazzy once in a while! But she is also very much like her father, especially when you start from the feet up (very cute feet I might add!). Then you see she was blessed with my shapely knees and my once good-looking calve muscles J And of course she is like me when it comes to exclamation points!!!

I have truly been blessed with children that are special, and this 1^st middle child is no exception. She is resourceful; she is creative; I think she is a great wife and mother; she has a happy countenance; she wants to be of service to others; she has been blessed with many talents, such as creative writing and a desire to learn all the world has to offer. She also has several musical gifts. She has the ability to remember all the words to songs and she loves arpeggio's – meaning piano pieces that go fast! When she has an idea in her brain – she is ready to go – she is moving fast! Her thoughts and actions are geared to moving forward, ever learning, ever improving.

What wish would I give to her on this her birth-day? Be patient, be faithful, be prayerful, and be believing that someone mightier than you is mindful of your every need. You are a wonderful daughter, valiant and good. Your father and I are very pleased with who you are and who you are becoming.

My GREEN Homeland of Arizona

Have I mentioned that my favorite color is green? Anyway, growing up in Arizona people wonder if anything is green there. They always associate Arizona as a brown desert. That is sad, because Arizona has lots of green things, even in the summer - which to me can be the greenest when all the trees have their leaves. Our yard growing up was always green because of all the fruit trees and the grass, which was usually a foot tall before I got to the last section to mow! It was a jungle.

Anyway, this past weekend Von and I traveled to Arizona for our granddaughter's, baptism. A quick, but special occasion for going. The thought of getting some wonderful sunshine and warmer temperatures was going to be a treat along with seeing our children!

It was a scenic drive as we drove through the Grand Canyons, the pines of Flagstaff and then the high desert of cactus, palo verde and mesquite trees. Unfortunately the wild flowers were not blooming.

Most of the trip I was reading and would look up occasionaly to see what we were passing by. It was during one of these moments as we were about to turn onto I-10 that I looked up to see multiple fields of green alfalfa.

I started to cry. To see that lush green field of sweet alfalfa made me so homesick and long for a big bear hug from my father. You see, my father was a farmer, but he also was a teacher. Whenever we were with daddy, he would stop and teach us about what was growing in the fields that we passed. It became a game to guess what the crop was. But of all the crops, alfalfa was my favorite, especially just after being cut. The smell would linger for many days, it was sweet and refreshing.

I didn't have my camera with me, but here is a picture of an alfalfa field, but not as green as the ones I saw.

Here is a picture of my father with four of his six brothers. My father is the one in the middle. This past week his youngest brother, Mel, and his oldest sister, Thelma, passed away. Mel was 88 and Thelma was 100 years old. I think my dad's family has had a beautiful reunion this week. Maybe when I saw that green alfalfa field, it reminded me of my family's farming legacy. They were all tillers of the land and took great pride in working the earth and helping create life with God's bounty. I am blessed.

MY LOVE STORY

Von and I met at a Regional San Diego Young Adult Conference in July of 1973. At the time we didn’t think much of each other. I thought, “He just couldn’t be 21 and a returned missionary too!” (He was really cute, but he looked much younger than I, the graduated senior of one month!!) And Von thought I was an obnoxious flirt.

We saw each other occasionally during the year of ’73 at BYU, he even asked me out. But I couldn’t go because of finals, and besides, he was too short.

The next time I saw Von was the following fall semester of ’74. School had started and social life was in full swing. I was talking to a girlfriend when Von came walking up. I did a double take this time! Wow, had he changed. Tan, sun-bleached hair, looking very good in his Mexican embroidered shirt and big bell-bottom pants! My – he sure was cute, and what a flirt! We went out that night. All I remember was that I didn’t get home until 2 AM, and I had forgotten my keys. We must have had a good time.

The next Friday I didn’t have a date. I remembered where Von said his classes were, so I intentionally made myself cross his path that afternoon. Sure enough, I landed a date that evening with Von.

We had a good time, but Von was preoccupied that evening. His brother, Garth, had hurt himself playing basketball and his other brother, Mark, had been in an accident in the mission field. After that night I kept wondering why he hadn’t called back, or the fact that he seemed to disappear (his sister, Sheila’s daughter, Andrea Jane had drowned)

Winter semester had begun and I could tell it was going to be a very dry dating season. And it was becoming even drier because I started turning down dates. I was tired of all the games.

One night I had gone to bed at 8 PM (unusual for me), feeling a bit depressed about men in general, only to be awakened at 9:30 p.m. I had company. I threw some clothes on and went up to see who in the heck would be coming by at that hour!

There was Von, with Pud (Robert Peek) and Kit in tow! Von wanted to know if I’d go with him to a Young Men’s initiation the next evening. I said “Sure, why not?”

We had a terrific time! Then Von asked me out for the following night, but I already had a date for the basketball game.

My date had his uncle’s season tickets for the game at the Marriot Center. When we got there, we started into the row where our seats were, me leading the way. My seat just happened to be next to an old boyfriend! This old boyfriend was one I had been really serious with, then he dumped me! It still hurt 1 ½ yrs. later. So here I was, sitting between one I had pursued and one who was pursuing me! That evening was the most miserable date of my life. I kept using my date’s binoculars watching Von in the Young Men’s section. He sure was having a great time, and I was wishing I was there instead of where I was.

Von called the next day, and I was thrilled. He asked me out for a fireside the following day, Sunday. Then everyday after that he was coming by to see me, or meeting me after a class. After about 3 weeks of this, I was questioning myself about this relationship. I was sick for my birthday, so Von had my roommates make me a cake, and then he told me he had a special evening planned later when I was feeling well.

The next week he took me to see Saturday’s Warrior. When we got back to my apartment and we were alone, I told him I needed to know what was happening between us. I was full of questions, like, “Why was he dating me only? Did he like me?” (I was fishing for a “I love you!!!” line”)

Von then proceeded to tell me about Julie. He was waiting for her to graduate. His intentions were to just date me until she came to the Y. He said he decided to date me because I would be fun to “bide” time with. That hurt! (I later found out from Robert, that the three of them had gotten together earlier that evening and had gone over all the girls Von had dated, and I was the CHOSEN ONE). Being the inquisitive person that I am, I had to know if these were still his intentions, because I wasn’t about to be dumped again. I would be the dumper this time! Von then told me that his feeling for Julie had changed. He said he was “in-like” with me. I could live with that!

Von and I were spending more time with each other, and he kept dropping the “WE” word. I had been praying for an assurance that this relationship was worth pursuing. I felt very good about it, and even asked my parents up for Easter weekend, so they could check Von out. Mom was able to come and spend the weekend with me.

During this time, some young men that I had dated previously started to show up on my doorstep (literally), asking me out. These were guys that I had considered “marriage material” at one time. I had to make a choice, either go out with them and jeopardize my relationship with Von, or just tell them I wasn’t interested. I chose the latter. It wasn’t until after I was married and read my patriarchal blessing did I understand “Find a companion of your choice…” I did make a choice.

General Conference was coming up, and Von told me his parents had changed their minds and were coming after all. The day before they arrived, I had received a letter from Von’s brother, Garth, whom we just took to the mission home the week before. This letter had a lot of insinuations and advice that I felt was inappropriate! After all, we weren’t engaged, nor had we even discussed marriage. This letter really upset me and I wanted to talk to Von about it, but Von just laughed it off and wouldn’t discuss it. I pushed the issue, so Von left. Overwhelmed at what I could be losing if he didn’t come back, I went out looking for him! I had invested too much of my emotions to end this relationship right then. I loved him and knew we were to be together. I spent over an hour looking for him when I remembered his cousins lived around the corner from my apartment. When I got there, Von was there, smiling and then gave me a great big hug. He said “I was wondering how long it would take you to find me!!!” His roommate had told him I was out looking for him. I felt better, but I still felt insecure about what was going to happen.

The next night we picked up Mom and Dad at the airport then dropped them off at Uncle Dee’s home. We all had some birthday cake that I had made for Von. The following morning we met them at Temple Square for Conference. I had never been to General Conference, so this just added to the excitement of anticipation! Von’s parents sure asked a lot of questions, especially Dad!
That evening we went to the Ding Ho restaurant. I was really looking forward to a Chinese meal, especially the shrimp! As the meal began, so did the questions! My appetite soon diminished, these questions were getting very personal. Mom must have sensed my distress because she quickly pointed out to Dad that uncle Ron and aunt Jean were walking in the door.

While introductions were being made, the waitress brought the fortune cookies. I noticed Dad sliding the cookies towards him and then tearing off a piece of his paper placement mat. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. We finished our meal and Dad passed out the fortune cookies. We all took turns reading ours, and then it was Von’s turn. He said he didn’t want to read his. But “NO” would not do, especially for Dad. So Von handed me his fortune. It read, “You will get married this summer to Ann.”

My heart skipped a beat, and I looked up at Von. He said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” I replied

“Do you want to get married?”

Mom was very in tune that day. She suggested that we might like to talk in private. So we left the restaurant and went outside.

And of course my reply was YES!

Later as we were driving home to Provo, Von told me he had planned to ask me that evening on Temple Square (but Dad stole his thunder!). The fact that he loved me enough to want to marry me compensated for Dad speeding things up.

Until we got married, Von and I experienced some adjustments, sometimes making me wonder if I was really making the right choice. But every time I inquired of the Lord during some difficult times, all doubt would go away and my mind would become very clear, that yes, it was the right choice.