Response #2 - Miriam Weinstein's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals"

Chapters 3 & 4:
Being strong while eating conotates an image for me as being able to eat the nasty fish (ceviche) my father brought home from Mexico. I could not leave the table until I ate what was on my plate. The threat of having more put on my plate proved that I had strength in downing a horrid food, and my resiliency in overcoming this objectionable task!

In the third chapter, Weinstein explores a number of areas in which eating dinner can make you strong. She begins with the story and eventual research of Marshall Duke, a clinical psychologist at Emory University. His studies were centered on the resiliency of family members that were dealt with difficult circumstances growing up. They found that families, who talked about the failures and successes of family members, both present and dead, helped model behaviors that despite setbacks “we” would overcome. Researchers discovered that the family lore was discussed at the “family dinner table.”

Additionally, Weinstein captures the essence of other research dealing with alcoholic families and families that had children with food eating-disorders and substance abuse issues. How does having dinner together make us strong in any of these situations? Dinnertime for the alcoholic family is controlled by the bottle – yet there is a family meal together. Strength and resiliency occurred more often as family members either tried to find balance or made vows to break the cycle. Whereas children with food eating-disorders or substance abuse repeatedly showed little structured meal time together. When families made the effort to provide consistent family meals, there was significant change in the health of their children.

Many parents today are too busy, getting caught up with “things,” that they forget about the those that depend on them. A meal, as simple as pancakes, says that I care about you. Statistical evidence shows that children’s mental well-being and performance in life are clearly linked to family meals. Children are better equipped to handle life’s challenges.

I love the South African quote that Weinstein uses, “When you have a lot to do, start with a meal.” When you consider the implications of beginning a task of varying importance – what better way to begin than to share a meal with family to discuss the assignment?

The family meal not only serves to strengthen families—it is a teaching tool for younger generations. As in the study of Mexican children’s gradual acceptance of hot pepper flavors, parents must introduce children to the many different cultures within their own community.

When do we eat? Where do we eat? Do we invite others to join us for dinner? How adventuresome do we make our meals? How insistent will we be in enforcing manners? Do we teach manners? Will outsourcing our meals provide more time with the family and not break the bank? Does taking time to prepare a meal for the family have any value?

Resoundingly, YES! For someone, particularly mothers, the task of teaching and providing for your family can be overwhelming. For working mothers, the demands are even greater. Contemplating my own life and the statistical data on working mothers, I am so grateful that I was able to be home with and for my children.

Time spent in introducing foods to my family and teaching manners were valuable. One aspect of a parent’s pay dirt is when company joins you for dinner and your children behave and are pleasant. Another payoff is when you enter an “outsourcing” establishment, and your family is well mannered. Cultural capital is about investing in my children so that they are worth more.

My family is a treasure. They have made my life rich. My desire is that we to do not have any empty chairs at our table. With everyone there, therein lies our strength.

Response #1 - Miriam Weinstein's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals"

Chapters 1 & 2:
It was with surprise that I discovered the “magical” components of Miriam Weinstein’s book. She has a gift in using words that not only convey a specific message, but rewards us with an image in her play on words. The research she has gathered with different peoples will be holding my attention as she writes of her experiences regarding family meals.

It was significant to read that the word in Roman times for, “one who breaks bread with you,” is companion. For thousands of years, those that break bread with you are family members. What an appropriate word. When we sit down to eat with our families, we are fortifying bonds with our “companions,” who, we hope, love and care about one each other.

Weinstein’s recognizes that there has been a rapid decline in family dinners, which is fraying the social fabric of our world. The “enormity of the potential loss” of history forecasts a nation of people with no communal bonding. The sacred nature of meal time has been diminished to a “drive-thru” experience for family members.

As Weinstein shared what she was working on, people immediately responded with detailed descriptions of their memories. When reading this, I too felt myself going through my mind, the ritual of what transpired in my home. However, in today’s world, especially my children’s generation, there are few memories of sitting down to “break bread” with one another.

With a nation of traditional and dysfunctional families, the family meal provides not only nourishment for the body, but an opportunity for face-to-face nourishment. It is part of the day that can help restore and heal, and “reinforce pleasurable associations.” A sacred time of day that needs to be fought for.

For a time in California, our church leaders sent out a “decree,” that there were to be no meetings or activities between five and six in the evening. This was a sacred time, where families could enjoy one another without interruptions. It was a successful venture, where many families that made a habit of it were strengthened.

During these rituals of breaking bread with one another, a sense of belonging and learning who you are immerge. Weinstein describes the ritual in which “a meal together draws a line around us.” It defines who we are despite the world moving around us. I remember times in my home when my parents would share family stories at dinnertime. They helped develop who I am as I listened about the strength of character of grandparents and other family members.

When family therapists want to understand a family’s dynamics, they use “snapshots” of different family functions. The most telling of these functions is the family meal. Here one is able to observe the “pecking” order! These counselors use family meals as a way to “help fractured families heal.”

Creating a ritual of a family meal can be hard when it hasn’t been established. When I had children at home, and an invitation was offered to my children’s friends – it was always accepted. But never once did I ask if these friends had meals together with their families. However, these friends always lingered longer, and were hesitant to leave. Unknowingly we helped “set the table” for a future ritual.

I agree with Weinstein’s observations that rituals are powerful tools, especially the family meal. As a family, with little children, meals were sacred. We didn’t have to be dressed up, we had no candles, nor beautiful white napkins, but we all were there. We thanked the Lord for our blessings, and went about breaking bread and creating magical moments with our children.

Things That Inspire Me

I just recently read this article from an eletter of Threads magazine. This textile art is a stitched autobiography of Sally Mavor from Cape Cod. Click on the link and read the information about this artists inspiration and techniques she used. I would like to get her book - I am up for creating some "wee" folks.

Today.

I have had the whole day to do homework. And what was finished? Only one 2 page paper that was due 10 days ago. However, I did talk to 3 of my children - that was good. And I made breakfast, lunch and dinner for my husband - and some cookies - which by the way were somewhat fluffy and good.

I keep thinking the following week of school will be less demanding, but it hasn't happened yet. And then not taking care of school work today does not help - and only will add to the stress next week.

I reapplied to the PR program. I have done all that was asked, and now await to hear from the Communications department as to whether or not I got accepted. If I don't get in, I will need to change jobs.

I really enjoy my job, but working with the students that I do, and have class with them - it is a conflict of interest. Two issues happened this past week that caused way too much angst in my heart. I don't need this. Maybe that is why I didn't accomplish anything useful.

Can I say, I am just tired today and still be good?

Quaking Aspens No Longer Stand in Haiti

(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/16/AR2008021602511_2.html)

Haiti once was a beautiful land, filled with various vegetation, hills and mountains. Because of natural disasters and the need for fuel (wood to burn), the forests have been ravaged. Less than 5% of the forests exist today. No more are there any quaking aspens, only a quaking land of desperate people.

A year ago I took a class on international development. For the class, the instructor had been asked to put together a project that identified the problems and needs of the country of Haiti for the purpose of humanitarian service for a Non-Government Organization (NGO). We were divided up into groups that addressed the many issues that impoverished countries face every day, week after week, year after year. Needless to say, after six weeks into our research I felt no hope for the people living in Haiti. There had been so many years of corruption, disasters and no means for a people to rebuild themselves. The country has received billions of aid over the years—but the money and resources rarely got to the end of the row.

    My idealistic solution was to relocate all the people living in Haiti to other countries for ten years. I know, that seems pretty severe and unrealistic. But considering the daily challenges they face to survive, other places would be better. Part of the plan for people as they relocated to other countries would to plant trees and other vegetation as they left. While people were gone, the land could restore itself without being stripped daily of all its natural resources. It would have a time to heal.

    Now today, Haiti is faced with yet another natural disaster in which the seeds of despair are as deep as the mighty earthquake they experienced. Again, people throughout the world are willing and wanting to come to the aid of these people. As I read and see photos of the situation, my heart breaks for the many families that have lost loved ones and the devastation! I pray silently for the Lord's intervention for the people of Haiti and for those that are able to facilitate relief to so many. May the Lord be with you always.

New Year, New Week, New Me.

(glamourdaze.blogspot.com)

Here I sit on New Year's Eve. But then I usually sit on New Year's Eve. I think I will reflect. No, takes too much time. Guess I will just get up and move forward.

Many people do not like Mondays. I do. I love Mondays because you get to start all over again. I like new years too. Despite what transpired over the last year - you can start all over again. My only disappointment is that others do not see it like me. They don't try to do better, they stay in their prideful rut.

I love that I can make a new me too. It is like a new year or a new week. It is the process of repentance. Sure there is pain and shame in realizing the stupidity of choices you made, but if you truly understand and believe in the atonement of Jesus Christ the new and improved you can reappear. And this I am grateful for, because I need to repent and repair myself each day.

Peanut Gallery

My daughters went to see New Moon recently, at a special viewing. Their seats were in the first two rows – yep they had a crick in their neck afterwards! Anyway – my daughter was sharing how some of the viewers were making wise cracks about the movie, like "Quick, hit me over the head!" Now if you were there and heard the whole story you would be on the ground laughing, but I cannot give it justice. Then my daughter commented that is seemed like the first two rows were the peanut gallery. So that word has been on my mind lately.

Then it came to me – that is what I do. And I have been catching myself doing it! Case in point: While sitting in my class at school a word problem is displayed on the screen about the statistics of whether college freshman, sophomores, juniors and seniors kiss on the first date. The data showed that seniors were more apt to kiss on the first date than freshman. I could't keep my mouth shut and blurted out, "Well of course they do! Time is running out for them! They have to kiss them to see if there is any chemistry – and if not – move on to the next one." Of course I don't think about what I have said – I just say it. I didn't think it was funny, but the class did.

I have gotten in trouble because of my outbursts. I wonder if I will ever learn.