Summer Time and all the Implications

Who invented summer school? As a parent with LOTS of little children, summer school was a Godsend. It gave my kidlets something to do. At one time, summer school was free, and it consisted of "enrichment" classes. My children LOVED going to summer school - and I LOVED them going because that freed me up to tackle the jobs only a mother can do without multiple interruptions. You know, like wash diapers, toilets and eating bonbons.

Well, the children are gone, and I have gone and enrolled in my schools spring/summer terms. What am I thinking? Summer is supposed to be a time to relax and enjoy the grass growing between my toes and eating home-grown tomatoes. Also it is a time to CATCH-UP with life.

But then what am I thinking? Am I being selfish? I have had a long run where I have been able to do whatever I wanted during the summer months (let's imagine that is a true statement!) - while countless men and women each day, have to go to work - with no summer off to relax and enjoy green toes and rotten tomatoes.

OK - I admit it - I am whining because nine credits in seven weeks is more time consuming than I expected. I knew it and did it anyway - the reasoning was excellent. But doubts are finding a way into my mind and heart regarding this decision.

Why won't someone just give me a home-grown tomato and put me out of my misery? Heirloom preferably, please?

If - spring decides to come - it probably will then be summer!

Spring semester has begun. I like my class schedule, and I like my classes. Each subject has me thinking in completely different ways.

Comms 336: PR Strategies. We study case studies, then we analyze and come up with our own PR strategies to fix the problems. It is a fine line for me to want to take charge and move the development of strategies along in group work. It is quite the discipline of self! I have worked on quite a few case studies but have not had much experience in the final stages of the matrix. I hope we get a little more instructions on the nuts and bolts of this segment.

Comms 300: Media, Ethics, Law and Responsibility. Understanding the law is crucial as a PR communicator. Having a foundation of values keeps you centered when ethical situations arise. Libel issues are a key component when producing and sending messages, you never want to side with error. Our instructor is going to be great. He has so much energy!!!

Comms 351: Media and Their Audiences. I think this may be my favorite class of the three. We will be doing ethnography studies. What - you ask? I had to Google ETHNOGRAPHY to understand what in the heck it was. "Ethnography is a research method based on observing people in their natural environment rather than in a formal research setting." It helps you see patterns of behavior in people. I really like our instructors method of teaching - he leads the discussion in helping students become aware of the subject matter - Consumer Behavior.

Do we live in a touchy feely world?

I just read a blog post in the Harvard Business Review, written by Edward Bergman. He was writing it from a business perspective, on how touch can be used in the work place. I think what he pointed out was very relevant in today's world.

After being in a sequence of classes in education, I can see how powerful touch is in the classroom. For so long teachers have been told "Do Not Touch the Students!"

With all they hype on inappropriate situations, this is understandable. But there is appropriate touching, and I think Bergman suggested the correct approach for those times - don't linger! Make it light and brief.

Yes, there are circumstances that you must be aware of, regarding different cultures and an intuitive sense of people's space or 'comfort zone.' But I truly believe that touch is a healing ability we all have been blessed with. However that talent needs to be paired with a love for all of God's wonders.

Response #6 - William Doherty's book - "The Intentional Family" (Birthday's, Christmas)

During moments of frustration, the question has been asked, “Who came up with this idea of a birthday party?” Only to be rewarded by the look of pure joy of those being honored at the festivities. Then the conclusion is that that one magical moment was worth the trouble and headache to provide such an event!

While reading these chapters 6 & 8 of William Doherty’s book, The Intentional Family, I could not help but laugh at the different situations others found themselves in and at myself. On so many levels I found myself relating to the experiences of birthday rituals, parental holidays and Christmas holidays.

Coming from a farming family - work and the necessary chores of taking care of the land and animals were far more important than celebrating in grand style the passage of time for individual family members. A special dinner, gift and cake were all that was significant for the day. My husband’s family of 12 children, and a WWII era British-born mother, they too experienced the same recognition. But things have changed.

Truly, I have personally seen how we have become a nation that has evolved in celebrating yearly birthdays, and I have been guilty of perpetuating this mania. Thankfully, my time of birthday celebrations for young children has ended and the torch has been passed. However, after years of experience, I am willing to pass on my insights, if asked, to this perception of what should be sustainable in this world of merriment observance we have created!

Most families want to create an environment in which our children feel loved and cherished, and that is an admirable quality of parents, but at the expense of public celebration - who does it honestly benefit? There are moments of pleasure, and memories are surely to ensue. But it is the intentional and intimate rituals that have far more meaning and importance. Doherty’s personal example of his father-in-law’s 80th birthday party, surrounded by loved ones and sharing their communal love and admiration for this important man. The spirit of the celebration was memorable.

Doherty writes of a ritual that his family has instituted, an “appreciation ritual.” Personally I find this refreshing and have considered how I can implement this into my family. As Doherty continues, it is an emotional gift that lasts longer than a finely decorated present.

Around November of each year, I sometime listen to the “Dr. Laura” Schlessinger’s radio show. I am amazed at the amount of calls she receives regarding the dynamics and turmoil families encounter during the holidays. It is evident of the joy and pain this holiday can create. Yet, as Doherty explains, “Christmas amnesia” sets in, and families continue to carry on traditions, that so easily could be tweaked to create an unforgettable occasion.

In my family circumstance we have had to make changes to accommodate the ever changing landscape of our family dynamics. It was so much simpler to attend to our nuclear family’s needs of long ago.

Our Christmases together have only two elements that we have not changed – and that is going caroling, and our Christmas Eve Mexican dinner—that is our tradition. However, because of struggling finances of young families, we have set limits or opted out of gift exchanges. One daughter created a “gift store” in which the grandchildren purchase a toy for the cousin exchange, which will become a tradition. Another family tradition of catching Santa Clause early Christmas morning is not a yearly occurrence, but one treasured when done every few years.

When not spending Christmas together as an extended family, we each extend a welcome to those who are alone. Christmas time is about connecting and finding a linkage to our past, and that is hard to do if you are all by yourself.

Making memories are what celebrations and holidays are all about. Whether it is done by a traditional dish or chain of events, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we are together, loved ones and those who need a loving hand of fellowship. Intentional in plan and purpose.

Response #5 - Miriam Weinstein's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals

Tonight as I have been reading the last chapter in Weinstein’s book, I have had music playing that I call my “soul” music. Along with the beautiful melodies and words, I can’t help but feel sad that this book has come to an end! This book has made a powerful impression in my heart.

Weinstein speaks of her family meals, and I relate. I see myself with children underfoot, managing a baby, toddler, teenagers and other various life forms, all clamoring for sustenance – now! And my heart laughs at the memories. Then at the conclusion of the chapter she shares of her evening alone, when all is quiet, and her heart is full as mine is tonight.

What Weinstein has been trying to say, is that relationships are important, families are important, and family meals are a means to support and sustain relationships. She speaks a great truth when she writes, “Your family does not want someone extraordinary. They want each other” (pg. 240).

Although she points out some very practical applications of meal-planning, she states that many homes are “lacking in the happy disorder of productive daily life.” When I consider all the children who do not have this experience I want to gather them all in; I want to not only feed them but fill them with love because they are a valued child. I too miss that chaos.

I was not fortunate to have grandparents growing up, but I had incredible parents that you knew loved you. I can remember my mother when we were all gathered together for a meal, and she would look into our faces and smile. We were too busy to notice, but as time passed, I have come to understand that smile and the joy she felt when we were together again, and the tears that would fall as we waved good-bye to leave for our own homes.

It says a lot about people when asked what they remember most about their families. It isn’t about fame or glory; it is about the funny moments, the tender moments, and the one-on-one moments. It is the moments that say “this is who I am.”

Since reading Weinstein’s book, I have made an effort to make sure my husband and I have meals each night. The preparation time is much longer than I care for, due to my habit of deciding what to eat 20 minutes before I begin. But I have felt it important. My husband has always been one to inhale his food and leave the table, but at my insistence he has lingered a little longer, and it has become an enjoyable time for the two of us. I have become more “intentional” in making my meal times better.

Response #4 - Miriam Weinstin's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals"

Magical moments in a family are forgotten as family dynamics change. The environment of a family meal sometimes becomes a “quaint artifact,” a forgotten ritual when lives are ruptured by divorce or death. Yet, food still is the measure in which rituals will see a rift in family relationships.

Weinstein jumps into her narrative with how real divorce is when someone is missing at the dinner table. The question for those remaining at the table is, “What do we do now?” The suggestion was that families need to reconfigure, and buy a round table, where there is no “head.” I would agree that this is a positive move for families. Change is not always a comforting aspect when families are shattered, but moving forward and finding reassurance together while sharing a family meal is.

Blended families have a unique set of problems. Not only was a family broken apart, but now there are forced relationships to be dealt with. It is a no-win situation when the “step-parent” is introduced. However, the “step” can use family meals as a way to create an image of some family social structure. The rule of never trying to replace a biological parent would give the “steps” an opportunity to establish new rituals without stepping on sensitive feelings, and taking the occasion to involve family members in the food preparation.

If your children have to be without a parent, at what age is it less disruptive? Experts will give you a multitude of responses, all valid. Many years ago, Pres. Ezra Taft Benson, prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was quoted that parents need to be home during the cross-roads of a child’s life. Teenagers especially are vulnerable when there is no parent home during those “cross-roads.” In today’s society many teenagers are raising themselves because parents, whether divorced or not, are allowing their children to choose friends over family. It reminds me of the book, Lord of the Flies, by William Golding, children trying to recreate a ritual, when all they really wanted was a parent to be in charge.

There are many families in the world who do a wonderful job of creating family rituals, but in some communities, such as Wayzata, Minnesota, parents are making a concerted effort to regain balance in their homes.

The largest federally funded study of American teenagers in 2000, found a “strong association between regular family meals” and general academic success and psychological well being of teenagers. Using that as a spring board, community leaders in Wayzata welcomed the organization, Putting Family First in helping them bring awareness to the issues they were facing.

In the community of Wayzata, leaders were recognizing that families were centered on the success of their children – that was what defined them. Many families’ lives were besieged by the “over-loaded schedule,” – a choice!

As a parent, I have experienced the same choices and decisions – do we allow our children to participate in every sport or dance lesson? A parent in Weinstein’s book expressed some of our same sentiments – that our children are not great athletes! They will not be a super star, so why create an illusion of greatness. There are so many other worthwhile activities that will make them a better person without sacrificing family time and meals.

Family dynamics can change without being ruptured and shattered. By putting my family first I am saying, “I care. You are important. I love you.” To me that is magical.

Response #3 - Miriam Weinstein's book - "The Surprising Power of Family Meals"

Chapters 5 & 6:
Nourishing the spirit and flesh by gathering for a family meal is indeed a powerful mixture. In these next two chapters, Weinstein weaves her research into not only a narrative of people’s lives but makes a compelling tale of how families and individuals make a difference in the lives of a community.

The lives of women were turned upside down during the 60’s and 70’s as the feminist movement played out and more women found their “worth” in working outside of the home. This era created some radical and extreme thinking – but I am a survivor of that period. Women were told that it was beneath them to “slave” over the stove and care for children; that their place in society was more beneficial as a working woman. I did not listen to these voices as I stayed true to the belief that family and home were somehow more important than my career aspirations and my “contributions” to society was to be a stay-at-home mother.

However, many women did not have that luxury, as the feminist movement created a backlash of broken marriages. Women had to be not only mom, but the bread-winner as well. The story of Lynn F. was not uncommon during this time. Recognizing that something was wrong and rediscovering a child’s joy of helping through basil leaves made a profound change in her family. Though budget and times were still lean, Lynn F. learned that the children’s involvement in meal preparation and planning helped mend their wounded family.

The nourishing aspects of meals can be taught, but understanding the value of preparation as a former restaurateur, Rosalie Harrington did, by educating others through a local community outreach program. What a selfless act of service she offered. At this stage of my life, I try to do the same within our women’s Relief Society organization. What good does my knowledge have if not shared? That is how I learned, from other women and men sharing and teaching principles of food preparation to me. This has been a source of joy as I have watched my own children individually explore food preparation in their own homes, as well as the countless women I have been able to pass along information to.

With the numerous choices in foods that surround us, and the time we allot to eating is it no wonder that there are so many eating disorder issues. According to Ellyn Satter, parents and children have forgotten that “eating and sharing food are inherently pleasurable.” Instead, meal times have become a tug of war. Through understanding the responsibilities of both parent and child and in addition, learning to “relax,” families might be able to enjoy more meals together rather than become a short-order cook for finicky eaters.

It was interesting to read how those Weinstein interviewed felt deep spiritual feelings for the linkage of the “bread” and “body.” It was a great reminder that others have profound faith in Christ. The truth that is spoken by others not of my faith is the same in the homes of my family. A Catholic theologian, Bill Huebsch shares that, “In most of our lives, meals are also memorials.” They are rituals that teach us faith and the importance of family.

Within the home of Paul and Denny, who have opened up their home to others in need, have found that family meals are “a ritual that works unconsciously in people.” Their generosity of spirit is an example of sharing one another’s burdens and joys while breaking bread.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught to make our homes a sanctuary against the storms of life. I want all those who enter my home to feel welcomed and nourished by the good word of the Lord and a family meal. I too would like my home to be considered a mikdash méat, or ‘little holy place.’